Only yesterday, I was going through my Facebook inbox. I
came across a message from my friend which struck a cord with me. She’s abroad now, for undergraduate studies.We keep in touch, since we are good
friends ;) but with different time zones, :P we have gotten used to inboxing
each other and knowing whenever the other gets a bit of time she would reply to
that J and
that is how we interact since Skype sessions just keep on getting delayed and
delayed. Well. About what she said.
She said she really needed to learn to say “No”. Now I know
, you might be thinking that was what struck a cord? Seriously? Like what’s so
difficult with that?
Just a mere, simple
word. You just have to say no, after all. A single syllable 2 lettered word. How
hard could it be? But. This mere word or rather not being able to say this word
complicates so much and makes life way more difficult than it actually needs to be.
But I have been there and still find myself , there at times. So I totally
understand.
It sucks, big time :P
It has taken me a
long time to understand what I told her. I believe, it’s totally alright to say
no if it’s something that does not go with your core values, morals or ethics
or anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing. You don’t always have to say
yes even if others expect it from you. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. You
are not obliged to anyone. No matter what even if you feel otherwise. I am not saying that you shouldn't be there for
others or we shouldn't lend a helping hand when needed but that doesn't mean
either that you need to do everything for others.
Not setting boundaries gives you little respect among friends and acquaintances, so they keep asking you for help because they know you're likely to accept.
While being there for others we tend to leave ourselves
behind because we start putting all of them before us. We ignore what we might
actually need and starve ourselves. That has happened to me so many times that
I have lost count. But what I never used to realize was that by not being able to
say no to people I said No to myself. Over and over again.
A simple example.
If you can’t go to the cinema with your friends because your
mother didn't permit and you told them no; Your real friends would understand
and while they would miss you, they would support your decision. Not like those
so called friends who start getting rude, mean and then make you feel guilty
and tell you that you are not a good friend because you can’t even do this for
them. Stop listening to them. Once you start ignoring their jibes, trust me it
gets easier.
Do what feels right to you. If you don’t want to do someone else’s
homework for them just because they asked you sweetly or reminded you that it’s
a friendship thing( friends do it for friends crap :P ) don’t. And, don’t feel guilty
about it. At all. Specially for people who never are there when you need them
for a change. Be it anything! :P
Saying no is tough.But once you say it, It’s liberating!
Try saying it the next time someone expects you to draw all diagrams in their
journal just because they are too lazy to do their work themselves and expect
it from you.
You don't do people any favors by coming to their
rescue constantly."Turning someone down forces them to rely on themselves,
which can be a good thing for them in reality. So don’t feel guilty. You don't need to please everyone. Please yourself for a change! It will work wonders.
If you ignore their never ending list of tasks you will feel amazing! Trust me!
Be firm and say it once. Mean it. They will get it. Eventually. :P
Remember it’s your birthright!
This is spot-on advice; now I just need to start applying it haha
ReplyDelete"You don’t always have to say yes even if others expect it from you."
This is basically going to be my New Year's Resolution - you're going to have to keep encouraging me to stick to it!
Haha. Glad you think so :) That sounds one great resolution!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry! I am going to keep on reminding you and encouraging you and
I know you will get there soon enough :)
Advise worth listening to but among the most difficult to implement on.
ReplyDeleteThanks for voicing it, this might encourage me to work on it.
Stay blessed :-)